Hi, my name is Darcy and I suffer from OCD

Hi,


Flicking through a magazine today, I discovered a support website for sufferers of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). With the likes of Stephen Fry being so public about his Bipolar Disorder in the attempts to rid mental illness of the terrible stigma it has, and my own desire to get mental illness accepted and respected as a biological problem (as so much is) and to get it recognised that it is as much a legitimate illness as a broken leg, or diabetes, I decided to finally come clean.

I was diagnosed officially by my GP about 8 years ago, though having recently finished a degree in Psychology I knew what it was. I wasn't given the choice for therapy but was put onto medication. After a couple of weeks I felt so much better - partly because the pills seemed to take away a lot of my intrusive thoughts, and partly because it was out in the open amongst my family. 8 years later, I'm still on the pills, but at a lower level and though they don't take the thoughts away completely most of the time it's a happy medium between being too 'brain calm' to function in the way I would like and the thoughts. It seems they only get really bad now when I get stressed or tired, or both. Most of the time I now have a couple of routines or behaviours that I carry out 'to keep me safe' and that's that. The tired mind is the danger though - and sometimes the thoughts can be quite debilitating and I get exhausted mentally and physically with what I have to do to combat them.

I think also understanding the disorder has helped me cope with it. The thoughts can be scary, but I've learnt now that my bad episodes are just that - that they will last a couple of days, maybe a week, and I'll get through it.

My immediate family, GP and the Occupational Health Officer at work are still the only people who know. In fact it's only quite recently that I spoke with the latter - and that was quite an odd sensation. I always feel that OCD is something that people joke about (they do in my office), as something to be referred to if someone's being too tidy or a bit of a perfectionist. I don't think many people understand what it's like, how tiring it can be - how it can make you hate yourself as you know it's completely illogical - even though, to you, in that time it is very real and very logical. Even my best friend doesn't know. She knows I always check the cutlery in restaurants but she has accepted this as a funny quirk of mine. I'm sure she would be completley accepting if I told her - in fact I know it, and yet I still haven't told her.

I hope that you are able to accept me for who I am - I'm friendly, kind hearted, I'm passionate about orangutans and the work of Oxfam and similar charities, (including a new favourite of mine Project 18), I love Strictly Come Dancing and football - I also happen to have a chemical imbalance in my brain which causes me to have horrid, intrusive thoughts that can lead to hightened anxiety unless I am able to carry out certain behaviours - this is OCD and me.

I hope my keeping this blog (though it might not be frequent or regular) I am able to show people into the mind of someone who suffers from this disorder and by doing so help them understand it, and that, like all mental illnesses, it is a real issue. I also hope to be able to help myself, by making this a bit of a self-help therapy by getting it all off my chest. I haven't written the diary I mentioned earlier for about 5 years, perhaps this will replace it. I hope you will join me on my journey!